Today is Sunday morning and we are going to Emmanuel Baptist again at 10. We are singing Hope of the Nations and Tom will be preaching. At this point, I have been keeping a journal of events (NB: I guess it felt that way when I wrote this...), but I don't know if I have made any reflections. Certainly I have not made any prayer requests and I have attributed that to the fact that by the time I get my blog up, I will be long home... but I think there is more to it than that... I thought when I came here I would be moved and torn by all the injustice and poverty. I know that I would jump at the chance to be a part of any movement towards social justice, but I can't even begin to imagine myself organizing or running something. I think that's because I don't know enough about the history of social justice here or elsewhere. What would I do? What would I say? I know that there is hope and I am certain that the povery and injustice that has resulted by the influence of our sin (consumption, greed, ignorance) can be stopped. I wouldn't say that we CAN'T make a difference, but I just don't know how to. I will definately be more careful in selecting fair trade prodicts, and I will not forget the people here... but I still need to find out how I can actually HELP. I often find myself a bigger help when people have spiritual or emotional needs because I can relate to them. But how come I don't get the same satisfaction out of fulfilling needs that I have never had? Whose fault is it that I don't have to suffer in pain while unable to afford medications... that I've never gone hungry... that I've never wondered if I could get an education past high school... just because I am so lucky, I feel less passionate about the physical needs of God's people? Maybe part of the way I feel is due to a language barrier. In both south Africa and El Salvador, I did not speak to the locals directly. In SA, there usually wasn't even a translator! I felt so restrained in my ability to make a connection. Here I feel like my experience would be so much richer if I knew the language! I'm not saying that the language barrier should weaken a fight against poverty, but only that is has taken away a connection that might have given me greater passion for the cause.
I've seen how much these people have to offer and I want to be able to give something back to them. I think that in the future, I will need to learn the language first, and do adequate research on the country's history. I would also like to stay in the place I go for much longer. I really admire David and Suzannah, and I see how mature and wise Suzannah is... but I don't think I could use medicine in the same context. This is their full-time work... I don't think I will have years away from medicine, so I wonder if there are ways to use it with CBM. I haven't seen the healthcare system here, and I don't know if I can see myself practicing here, but I can't NOT see it... What I do know is that it doesn't matter where I am; unequal healthcare makes me so upset. It hurts to see people that are sick, unable to afford proper treatment. In SA, the healthcare was free, but it was often less wholistic than I usually hope to see in Canada. Here, medications are ofren unafordable! There is a free hospital, but it is inadequate. Apparently most employed people have a certain level of healthcare covered, but it is no luxury. There are many procedures that are simply not an option. I don't know exactly how it would take shape, but I could see myself using medicine to fight social injustices. The people here have so much hope for the entire nation; I don't think a medical mission would fulfill any of the big dreams that they have. It's not that I think medicine can change the world, but there must be something bigger than just serving in the present. Suzannah reminded me that Gos is in the present, and if you look too far into the past or the future, you will lose Him. It would be amazing to find the balance... live in the present, but keep that passion and hope for the future. The youth were talking about the future and it was incredibly empowering. Their visions were brilliant, and made me see how much I have to learn. I have to learn about the past, hope for the future, and live in the present. That is easy to say and it makes sense, but it's hard to really grasp! I think that's what God really needs from me, but how that will take shape is unknown to me. I am not upset that I don't understand; I am willing to be patient and see where He leads me.
Saying that is ironic because one of my biggest struggles right now is feeling like I am not listening to God. I think a big part of the reason I came on this mission trip was because I saw God's will in this trip. I felt like being here would be 'right'- like I would be doing the will of God... in this moment. Being here isn't enough though, and I feel like that's what I am doing: just being here... just living... just getting by. Sometimes I feel like I wasted a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I don't know why I feel like this, but I'm upset with the part of me that feels apathetic, and I'm mad at the part of me that wants to go home.
Monday, August 27, 2007
August 11
Tonight we arrived back in San Salvador and we had pizza with the young adults of Emmanuel Baptist Church. I was so impressed with the things that they shared- they talked about how important it is for everyone to fight for justice and peace. I was moved by how mature all of them were. They are all around my age, but they seem so wise because they know so much about El Salvador's history and they have learned so much from the past. They express so much hope for the future!!!
Before we left, we had the closing ceremony in Alegria. All of the families that were to receive the houses were there, and each was presented with their key and some house-warming gifts. The owner of Suzannah's group's house said "God knows how I used to live, but now I have a palace!!" Apparently she has been living in a tent for 6 years and has prayed every night that God would find her a house. As Jenny said, we answered her prayers!
Despite all of the great things I am writing about, I feel like I haven't learned enough, done enough, or grown enough. I don't know if I am going to change when I get back home... or if I will change at all. It's been so long, that all I want to do is jump into my life. I feel so selfish right now and I feel like I've missed something from God... and now I don't know how to find whatever it is that is supposed to change me.
Before we left, we had the closing ceremony in Alegria. All of the families that were to receive the houses were there, and each was presented with their key and some house-warming gifts. The owner of Suzannah's group's house said "God knows how I used to live, but now I have a palace!!" Apparently she has been living in a tent for 6 years and has prayed every night that God would find her a house. As Jenny said, we answered her prayers!
Despite all of the great things I am writing about, I feel like I haven't learned enough, done enough, or grown enough. I don't know if I am going to change when I get back home... or if I will change at all. It's been so long, that all I want to do is jump into my life. I feel so selfish right now and I feel like I've missed something from God... and now I don't know how to find whatever it is that is supposed to change me.
August 10
Today I was sick on and off. I went to breakfast and then the pain came on. After lying in bed for a bit, I decided to go to Suzannah's site. It was a pretty easy day, and I was so thankful for Suzannah's company. I also had a chat with one of the ladies on the trip and I was lucky enough to hear her story and the struggles that she has gone through. Before we left the site, the owner of the new home thanked me so much. Suzannah and I teared up... the woman said that God would bless us for this, but I had only been there for one day! How could she thank me??
I found out that my group on the hill had a bad day yesterday... now I wish I had been there. Apparently part of their work from yesterday had to be undone and redone, and that was very disappointing. Because of this setback, the roofers couldn't start the roof as planned, and I think that brought the group down :( Thankfully, Kari and Deb paid them a visit and cheered them up a bit. Now I am going for a walk with Suzannah to search for chocolate:)
I found out that my group on the hill had a bad day yesterday... now I wish I had been there. Apparently part of their work from yesterday had to be undone and redone, and that was very disappointing. Because of this setback, the roofers couldn't start the roof as planned, and I think that brought the group down :( Thankfully, Kari and Deb paid them a visit and cheered them up a bit. Now I am going for a walk with Suzannah to search for chocolate:)
Saturday, August 25, 2007
August 9
I woke up this morning and I was very sick. I have felt sick since I woke up and now I am sitting at the work site. I hate having to watch while the others work, but I feel terrible. I've only been here for 15 minutes, but it feels like forever. Everytime I try to get up, I cramp up. Suzannah suggested staying at the camp, but I thought it would get better once we got out here... now I am hoping it will get better sometime in the near future. I guess since I have some time to sit here, I will try to remember some of the interesting things that the group members shared about their days last night:
-someone shared about the woman who will own the house she is working at... this lady has been withdrawn and silent the whole week, but when Deb told her how beautiful her house was (in Spanish), as they were laying the tiles, she lit right up and said "si!!!"
-another high was when Saul, a Spanish young adult from the community who speaks great English, was talking about the people in El Salvador. He has so much hope for the FMLN (political party) and for all that they believe in. Kari noted that despite how hopeless their situation may seem to us, Saul has so much hope and he believes that anything is possible. I've met him a couple of times and he is a sweetheart. He's intent on teaching us Spanish and on making everyone smile. As Kari noted, we could picture him being a big part of the future in El Salvador. His heart is huge and he's very intelligent.
Oh, I just remembered something: some of us have tried to use the internet here. We were told that it was a bad idea to use the cafe that we had seen and Suzannah told us that the person who owns it is the old mayor and he isn't a very good man to support. Apparently, among many other things, he sold the community soccer field to a private company so that it is no longer accessible to the people living here! This sort of thing happens all the time, for example, most of the beaches and some parks charge a fee to use them so that there are fewer and fewer places for people to meet and hang out... this has contributed to the huge numbers of youth that hang out in malls all the time. Another example is the plant in Alegria that was sold to an italian company that takes all of the profits out of El Salvador. Apparently coffee and another main resourse (I forget what it was...) are not as competetive anymore, so that the main commodity is actually labour in sweat shops or similar positions. That reminds me: I don't know much about the nike company except that many people boycott it ... and oddly enough, I see it a lot of loals wearing nike. I heard that fake brand names is very popular here, which would make more sense than anything else.... but I still thought it was worth noting. Anyhow, back to our group meeting and the things that people shared...
Al told us that Dennis, a CBM rep from out west, was entertaining the children with balloon animals and a clown show. Al was telling us how much joy this brough to them; Dennis speaks fluent Spanish, so he was always sharing stories with the locals.
Al also shared that one girl had chronic migraines that would last up to a week, but that she couldn't afford the medications. Jenny saw her and till try to get the name of a cheaper med that she can combine with caffeine (in the form of coffee) to get pretty much the same result. In South Africa, all of the health care was free, including drugs, but here it is different. If you can't afford something, you are out of luck... this blows my mind. I hope to one day come back to look at the healthcare system here, but I can't imagine how heartbreaking it would be... it just seems so impossibly unfair.
Jenny brought up that some people on the trip were feeling overwhelmed, but none of us seemed to feel that way. For some reason, we had a different outlook on the situation. Kari brought up that despite what they lack, it is important to remember that the people here all have their own highs and lows, but many of them are walking with God! Who is to say if they are happy or not? Many of them appear very joyful; more joyful than people we see in Canada actually. She also reminded us that as North Americans, we bring different baggage... and differnt does NOT equal better. That resonates with my prayers of late: that the poor would be blessed as we are blessed (shelter, food, security) and that we would be blessed as the poor are blessed (simplicity, gratitude). When Jesus says "blessed are the poor," I think that the reason they are blessed is because they often have Christ-like qualities such as gratitude, less demands, andmore patience. We can mourn for social injustices and suffering, but it is important to celebrate the blessings that they have, and can teach us. I also think about the metaphor for the rich entering heaven... a camel through the eye of a needle... what is it that makes the rich turn from God? I think of all the sin that we are drawn into here: consumption, greed, ambitions, and competition. While I want to help fight social injustices, eliminate poverty, and stop oppression, I also don't see the way we live as ideal. I envy their simplicity in lifestyle and admire their complexity in thinking... there are so many brilliant people around us. We have been so fortunate to have Canadians translate for us. David grew up in Bolivia, but spent years in Canada, so he was able to translate while keeping the appropriate meaning. The brilliance and the grace of their thoughts could be conveyed to us... there are people with such great insight into the needs of the people and into their future, their spirituality, and thier community. This country has an amazing history and some of the people here have learned from it and are ready to embrace the future. I feel energized when I hear some of the people we have met share whatever it is that they want us to understand!
-someone shared about the woman who will own the house she is working at... this lady has been withdrawn and silent the whole week, but when Deb told her how beautiful her house was (in Spanish), as they were laying the tiles, she lit right up and said "si!!!"
-another high was when Saul, a Spanish young adult from the community who speaks great English, was talking about the people in El Salvador. He has so much hope for the FMLN (political party) and for all that they believe in. Kari noted that despite how hopeless their situation may seem to us, Saul has so much hope and he believes that anything is possible. I've met him a couple of times and he is a sweetheart. He's intent on teaching us Spanish and on making everyone smile. As Kari noted, we could picture him being a big part of the future in El Salvador. His heart is huge and he's very intelligent.
Oh, I just remembered something: some of us have tried to use the internet here. We were told that it was a bad idea to use the cafe that we had seen and Suzannah told us that the person who owns it is the old mayor and he isn't a very good man to support. Apparently, among many other things, he sold the community soccer field to a private company so that it is no longer accessible to the people living here! This sort of thing happens all the time, for example, most of the beaches and some parks charge a fee to use them so that there are fewer and fewer places for people to meet and hang out... this has contributed to the huge numbers of youth that hang out in malls all the time. Another example is the plant in Alegria that was sold to an italian company that takes all of the profits out of El Salvador. Apparently coffee and another main resourse (I forget what it was...) are not as competetive anymore, so that the main commodity is actually labour in sweat shops or similar positions. That reminds me: I don't know much about the nike company except that many people boycott it ... and oddly enough, I see it a lot of loals wearing nike. I heard that fake brand names is very popular here, which would make more sense than anything else.... but I still thought it was worth noting. Anyhow, back to our group meeting and the things that people shared...
Al told us that Dennis, a CBM rep from out west, was entertaining the children with balloon animals and a clown show. Al was telling us how much joy this brough to them; Dennis speaks fluent Spanish, so he was always sharing stories with the locals.
Al also shared that one girl had chronic migraines that would last up to a week, but that she couldn't afford the medications. Jenny saw her and till try to get the name of a cheaper med that she can combine with caffeine (in the form of coffee) to get pretty much the same result. In South Africa, all of the health care was free, including drugs, but here it is different. If you can't afford something, you are out of luck... this blows my mind. I hope to one day come back to look at the healthcare system here, but I can't imagine how heartbreaking it would be... it just seems so impossibly unfair.
Jenny brought up that some people on the trip were feeling overwhelmed, but none of us seemed to feel that way. For some reason, we had a different outlook on the situation. Kari brought up that despite what they lack, it is important to remember that the people here all have their own highs and lows, but many of them are walking with God! Who is to say if they are happy or not? Many of them appear very joyful; more joyful than people we see in Canada actually. She also reminded us that as North Americans, we bring different baggage... and differnt does NOT equal better. That resonates with my prayers of late: that the poor would be blessed as we are blessed (shelter, food, security) and that we would be blessed as the poor are blessed (simplicity, gratitude). When Jesus says "blessed are the poor," I think that the reason they are blessed is because they often have Christ-like qualities such as gratitude, less demands, andmore patience. We can mourn for social injustices and suffering, but it is important to celebrate the blessings that they have, and can teach us. I also think about the metaphor for the rich entering heaven... a camel through the eye of a needle... what is it that makes the rich turn from God? I think of all the sin that we are drawn into here: consumption, greed, ambitions, and competition. While I want to help fight social injustices, eliminate poverty, and stop oppression, I also don't see the way we live as ideal. I envy their simplicity in lifestyle and admire their complexity in thinking... there are so many brilliant people around us. We have been so fortunate to have Canadians translate for us. David grew up in Bolivia, but spent years in Canada, so he was able to translate while keeping the appropriate meaning. The brilliance and the grace of their thoughts could be conveyed to us... there are people with such great insight into the needs of the people and into their future, their spirituality, and thier community. This country has an amazing history and some of the people here have learned from it and are ready to embrace the future. I feel energized when I hear some of the people we have met share whatever it is that they want us to understand!
August 8
I worked harder than ever today. We carried dirt up the massive hill all day! There were so many times where I thought that I wouldn't make it through the day... but here I am :) At one point today, as I was going up the hill, I watched an ant carrying a piece of leaf. I thought about how much work the ants do all day, everyday, for their entire lives... and I thought about how futile the work of one ant is. One ant can't make a difference. A whole colony of ants, however... they can do amazing things! Not only can they build unbelievable structures compared to their size, but they will rebuild 100 times over if need be. The truck ran over an ant hill yesterday, and today (before the truck came back up...) the ants had rebuilt it. I know that being simply ants, they do it out of necessity, but it made me think of hope- the hope that it would take humans to work as hard as that. To labour over something over and over- it reminds me now of how hard the people here fight for the poor, and fight for the FMLN. At the time, I thought about the ants and the difference that they can make as a colony. This morning, one of the girls was discouraged by the poverty and hopelessness that she felt the families had. She felt like their lives were worth less to them than ours are to us. She felt like we couldn't possibly make a difference. I thought about how if everyone did God's will for just a short time, the world would be so different. I also think about the devotional video I saw last year, which talked about God's story and our choice to be a part of it or not. Whether or not we participate, God will fulfill His divine purpose- sort of how whether or not an individual ant decides to work, the colony will still complete the ant hill... I really want to be a part of God's story, and I think that this week I am. Our presence here gives many people hope and when we come home filthy after a long day, some people are surprised because we are white. I like to think that they see us serving and realize that we are all equal.
August 7
After a second day of working, I'm feeling a bit sore, but eager to keep at it. The day started with a great breakfast and some fun stretches with Deb, an aerobics instructor from our church in London. However, as I was collecting snacks for the group, David told me that I may be switching groups... or at least someone from our team would have to switch, but we could decide who would go to the house that needed more help. I was so disappointed because I had a lot of fun yesterday with Al, Jenny, Dennis, and David. Anyhow, as I was walking towards the trucks, David said that he would be coming with me and I felt a lot better about agreeing to be the one to leave the group. David is a very genuine person, with a positive attitude. I was also relieved because that meant that I wouldn't be the only english-speaker at that particular house (it had happened to 2 women yesterday... but it was an accident and it was all fixed today). So, we left for the "site at the top of the hill"... and boy, was it ever a hill! The first climb up, I was in disbelief... the house was actually half a kilometer up!!!! The first task was to carry sand up the hill... a seemingly impossible task. David pulled the truck half way up the hill and we all thanked God! We worked on carrying dirt up the hill until lunch time. The morning passed quickly and lunch was great. Rachel and I sat in the truck after we ate and we relaxed for 15 minutes; it felt great! The rest of the afternoon was pretty light on work; we mixed cement (not so light work), cut rebarb, and sat for a bit. Actually, that rest was definately needed! We got back and had papusas for dinner. It is such a popular food that you can compare it to a hamburger here... not that they look or taste alike at all, but they are everywhere!! They are made of the basic corn tortilla (which we have been consuming by the dozen, along with fried bananas, fried beans, and fried egg) filled with beans and cheese- sometimes they have pork as well. After dinner, we had a group meeting and the 6 of us shared our highs and lows. I love our meetings; we just lye on the beds and we laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
August 6
Today was the first day of building houses. We got here last night, after a 3 hour ride that passed very quickly. We had dinner with the mayer of Alegria last night, and then we went to bed (after our group shared our highs and lows, which is always a great sharing time). This morning we had breakfast first thing in the morning and left for the worksite. The way up was rough (only literally... it was very rocky, but a lot of fun... we were in the back of a pick up). The view was gorgeous.... it was absolutely breathtaking. The mountains, layers upon layers, the cliffs, the valleys, the rivers... everything was covered in green. We got to the sight and started moving things from house 7 to house 6 (we are house 6). Then we started to move dirt from a hole near the house, to the floor of the house, in order to make a good base for the tiles. Did it ever take a lot of dirt to make that floor!! We worked until lunch at around 1 and then we got back to work. We worked so hard, but I loved every minute of it... like I was doing something real. I worked even harder after lunch and the harder I worked, the more I liked doing it. I really hope that we can keep up the good work and finish all 10 houses!!! We were so lucky today because so many El Salvadorean children from Emmanuel Baptist were helping us. Wow!!! Did they ever work hard! I was so impressed by their maturity.. no, not maturity, but discipline and determination. They didn't even question their roles, they simply helped move everything! I have to interupt my entry by just saying that I am so happy right now!!!! I feel like I am really living in the moment. I came home, showered, had some chocolate, and then thought about how great a coffee would be... then Suzannah came in to announce that there was a coffee shop next door, at that very moment!!! Now we are sitting in the cafe, all relaxing together after a productive day... I could hold onto this moment forever.
David and Suzannah have been incredible. Both of them are so patient and kind... they really know how to take care of us and they have prepared everything so that this week has gone smoothly. Anyhow, back to the day!
At 3pm, we finished the dirt and we started scraping the inside of the house, to even out the cement. This was a very special time for me. I thought to myself: "we are worried that we will not finish the houses on time, and yet we are smoothing out the bricks...eventually it will come off and then the tiles can be swept." BUT I knew that it was important to make the house beautiful for the family that would be so proud of it. I continued scraping and when I moved to another wall, I asked David: "I think this one might have been done already?" and he replied "well, they can ALWAYS look even better!" I was so thrilled by his comment! Wasting time wasn't an issue! His tone was so simple and true... I really felt the love in making the home at that moment. The reality of building a house- a home rather, sunk in.
After we finished this, there wasn't much else to do, so we checked out houses 6 and 8, which also couldn't use our help until the next morning. We headed back 20 minuted early and had showers. I scrubbed off all of the dirt and I felt so thankful for each part of my body. It worked so hard, and I felt so lucky to be able to do all the things that I did today.
David and Suzannah have been incredible. Both of them are so patient and kind... they really know how to take care of us and they have prepared everything so that this week has gone smoothly. Anyhow, back to the day!
At 3pm, we finished the dirt and we started scraping the inside of the house, to even out the cement. This was a very special time for me. I thought to myself: "we are worried that we will not finish the houses on time, and yet we are smoothing out the bricks...eventually it will come off and then the tiles can be swept." BUT I knew that it was important to make the house beautiful for the family that would be so proud of it. I continued scraping and when I moved to another wall, I asked David: "I think this one might have been done already?" and he replied "well, they can ALWAYS look even better!" I was so thrilled by his comment! Wasting time wasn't an issue! His tone was so simple and true... I really felt the love in making the home at that moment. The reality of building a house- a home rather, sunk in.
After we finished this, there wasn't much else to do, so we checked out houses 6 and 8, which also couldn't use our help until the next morning. We headed back 20 minuted early and had showers. I scrubbed off all of the dirt and I felt so thankful for each part of my body. It worked so hard, and I felt so lucky to be able to do all the things that I did today.
August 4
Today started off with a little rund up and down the stairs of the old orphanage where we are staying. After breakfast, we had a brief, but wonderful devotion by pastor Brian. He was talking about Oscar Romero's martyrdom (what Oscar himself considered less than martyrdom), or his suffering if you will. Brian related this to a scripture reading: in Matthew 16, when Jesus asks "But who do you say that I am?" and Peter replies "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Brian explained that we often end the scripture reading here, with Peter's correct reply. However, after this, Jesus speaks about his death and Peter cries out against what Jesus says he will endure. Jesus responds by saying "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." Brian indicated that this is the worst insult that Jesus could have given him. I think I have interpreted this Jesus' anger to be the result of Peter's questioning God's will, but Brian added more. He said that Jesus' response was directed at Peter because he questioned suffering and its necessity. He added that suffering is an integral part of our Christian walk. This really made me think because I have never suffered for my faith! I've been comfortable my entire life and I wonder what God thinks of this. So many people gave up their lives to fight for social justice. Oscar Romero was shot while performing Holy Communion, because he spoke out against social injustices and against the violence of the government. In the late 70's, the USA started to give $$ to the El Salvadorean government for military initiatives. Basically, the USA was providing the weapons to kill the poor. Miguel told us:
many people ask, "why was it a matter of church
vs. government? The church shouldn't have anything
against the law..." The reality is that the government
was fighting against the poor, and the church took the
side of the poor.
Today we visited a church where many people were shot after running inside during a protest that became violent. The front doors of this church used to be decorated with colourful stained glass, but today the detail is filled in with clear glass and the bullet holes remain, so that no one will foget what happened there.
After this, we went to the cathedral where Oscar often preached, and is buried downstairs. We saw many people asking for intercession by his tomb. We then travelled to the hospital grounds where Romero lived. Once he was elected Arch Bishop, the people tried and tried to get him to live somewhere fancy. He insisted that he live with the people . Likewise, when the government would offer him protection, he would respond with a request to protect the PEOPLE. Ironically, it was a government soldier that shot Romero in 1980 in the chapel, on the grounds where he lived. For a short while, he lived in a house on the grounds, which the patients and others build as a surprise for his birthday.
After visiting the hospital grounds, we went to a famous chicken place for lunch, and then to the market. After that, we visited a park with a huge wall in it. Here, all the names of the known homocides as well as the disappearances (30 000 out of the 70 000 that died) were written. The wall was resurrected in 2005, but unfortunately the names are already starting to wear off. We saw Miguel's brother's name, Oscar Romero's name, and thousands of others. 1979 and 1980 had the most names, as the war began in 1979. I feel so fortunate to have seen everything that I did today!!
many people ask, "why was it a matter of church
vs. government? The church shouldn't have anything
against the law..." The reality is that the government
was fighting against the poor, and the church took the
side of the poor.
Today we visited a church where many people were shot after running inside during a protest that became violent. The front doors of this church used to be decorated with colourful stained glass, but today the detail is filled in with clear glass and the bullet holes remain, so that no one will foget what happened there.
After this, we went to the cathedral where Oscar often preached, and is buried downstairs. We saw many people asking for intercession by his tomb. We then travelled to the hospital grounds where Romero lived. Once he was elected Arch Bishop, the people tried and tried to get him to live somewhere fancy. He insisted that he live with the people . Likewise, when the government would offer him protection, he would respond with a request to protect the PEOPLE. Ironically, it was a government soldier that shot Romero in 1980 in the chapel, on the grounds where he lived. For a short while, he lived in a house on the grounds, which the patients and others build as a surprise for his birthday.
After visiting the hospital grounds, we went to a famous chicken place for lunch, and then to the market. After that, we visited a park with a huge wall in it. Here, all the names of the known homocides as well as the disappearances (30 000 out of the 70 000 that died) were written. The wall was resurrected in 2005, but unfortunately the names are already starting to wear off. We saw Miguel's brother's name, Oscar Romero's name, and thousands of others. 1979 and 1980 had the most names, as the war began in 1979. I feel so fortunate to have seen everything that I did today!!
A side note
I have only written 2 entries, but I wanted to say something... I feel a bit uncomfortable sharing a lot of the negative feelings that I was having. I guess it's only because everyone pictures coming home with touching stories of growth and insight. No one hopes to come home and share about their lack of growth. I think I will find that I did grow while I was away... and maybe the struggles are part of the process... but whatever the case may be, I am simply entering my journals. I wrote them a bit differntly than I would a blog, but I hope that they are still beneficial to those reading them. I am sitting here, wishing that I had written something different, but what's the point of a journal, if you aren't true to yourself? Anyhow, I know that God always has a plan in mind, so I am certain that something important will come of this!
August 3
It feels like I have been here for a long time.... unfortunately, I don't feel as if I have "changed" or seen anything 'shocking.' Maybe it is because I've been exposed to poverty via the media, or friends' stories, but most likely, it is my own selfishness. We went to see the water project, which was amazing! After many years of walking MILES to the water source, every day, the community worked together to build 2 tanks that take the water from the river, to the tanks, and then send it to the houses. We visited a building with many counsil members. We also met David, the previous mayer, who played a big role in making the water project happen, but who was not re-elected. We were told that the government wants to sell the water sources to a private company, which would cause families to be unable to afford the water that they worked so hard to gain access to! The tank serves 500 and some families, each with several members, and costs $2700 to run each month. Right now, families pay enough to keep it running, but if a private company runs it, it could easily destroy the good that the community had obtained. Not only does access to water make life easier by saving HOURS of time, but it allows crops to survive in the dry season. We visited 3 families, all of whom were so thankful to God for the water. One woman said "you look at us and say that we are poor, but we are not poor! We have water, we have a home, and we are happy." Yesterday we went to Suchitoto, a villae where they sell goods made by youth and women. Young men leaving to the USA at 18 years of age creates a big drain for El Salvador, but there is often nothing to keep them here :( ... this store attempts to provide income to some of the youth in the area. Families are sometimes given livestock and required to pay it back with equal livestock, in the future. The deadlines are not strict, realising that different seasons are more or less fruitful... this initiative seems very promising.
Everyone here is so thankful!! We were lucky to venture out and see where some groups are doing tie-dye for a living, while we were out yesterday. The famous El salvador dye is indigo, from a flower, but today they were using leaves that create a pink dye. They also experimented with a new plant, but as with the vast majority of vegetation, once it was placed in hot water, the dye was a brown colour (not something they would choose to tie-dye with).
We had a great lunch after the visits, and we actually saw the water tank. The way to and fro was long, but relaxing and I had some nice chats with our group. Interestingly enough, I find there is something unique about our church's group (6 out of the 24 people on the trip)... I can't put my finger on it, but I LOVE our team...
Tomorrow we are going to the market tomorrow and I feel a bit bothered by how excited I am :S... I feel so selfish and indulgant, being in the midst of poverty and then being so incredibly excited about going to BUY things... I feel so trapped in my own selfish mind.
Everyone here is so thankful!! We were lucky to venture out and see where some groups are doing tie-dye for a living, while we were out yesterday. The famous El salvador dye is indigo, from a flower, but today they were using leaves that create a pink dye. They also experimented with a new plant, but as with the vast majority of vegetation, once it was placed in hot water, the dye was a brown colour (not something they would choose to tie-dye with).
We had a great lunch after the visits, and we actually saw the water tank. The way to and fro was long, but relaxing and I had some nice chats with our group. Interestingly enough, I find there is something unique about our church's group (6 out of the 24 people on the trip)... I can't put my finger on it, but I LOVE our team...
Tomorrow we are going to the market tomorrow and I feel a bit bothered by how excited I am :S... I feel so selfish and indulgant, being in the midst of poverty and then being so incredibly excited about going to BUY things... I feel so trapped in my own selfish mind.
August 2
I am in El Salvador now and it is going alright. Nothing special so far, but I attribute that to my own faults... I had a great conversation with Suzannah, the missionary here, on the way home from visiting all of the villages that we went to. I was so grateful for all that she shared! However, I have felt apathetic a number of times and I don't know why! I am so lucky to be here and I want to mature spiritually, but I feel like I am moving backwards. I wrote a group email (my mom posted this onto the blog as a comment on my July 30 post... you can read this to find out what we were up to in the first days), which explains what we were up to yesterday, and today we will learn about the water project that is going on in a nearby city. I am so excited to learn about this, so I hope that I can clear my mind and take it all in!
Back in London
Hi everybody,
I just got back to London this evening, and I am here to stay... at least for the time being. It has been just over a week since I got back from El Salvador, but it feels like weeks! I received an evaluation in my email inbox for the trip, and I thought that now would be a good time to share my journal entries. I am still not sure what my "conclusions" for the trip are for now, but I am hoping that by going through my journal as I write them onto the blog, I will be able to reflect on my thoughts and experiences.
Before I start, I want to share some of the ideas that are going on in my head.
1) I love one of the principles that a pastor on the trip shared: don't just look at someone and tell them Jesus loves them; build them a house and THEN tell them Jesus loves them! ... without looking at this statement as a 'paternal viewpoint' (and I can assure you that the man who said this is a big supporter of building self-sustained livelihoods), I think it really captures what it means to share the gospel.
2) I have been feeling frustrated, guilty, and confused by my lack of frustration, guilt, and confusion, regarding the disparity that exists between God's children. WHY wasn't I more touched... why wasn't I overwhelmed with compassion.... why am I so "OK" with coming back to all of the luxuries that I have here in Canada??
3) I didn't get the same quiet time each morning to spend with God while I was in El Salvador, that I had in South Africa. Now that I am back in Canada, I know that took a big toll on my inner- peace. I thought that once I got back, everything would go back to the way it was while I was in Africa, but despite having more time, I still haven't resolved my feelings of uneasiness.
4) I think that it is so important to connect with the people that live in the places that you travel to. Some of the people on the trip spoke fluent spanish, which made translations easy, but made direct conversation impossible. I would like to learn Spanish in the future! I saw how the people who could speak Spanish interacted with the locals, and I would really like to be a part of that exchange in the future.
OK, I am going to start entering my journals... since God isn't limited to the present, even though I will be finished writing the entries when you read this, please pray that I will understand what God is saying to me as I read through them :)
I just got back to London this evening, and I am here to stay... at least for the time being. It has been just over a week since I got back from El Salvador, but it feels like weeks! I received an evaluation in my email inbox for the trip, and I thought that now would be a good time to share my journal entries. I am still not sure what my "conclusions" for the trip are for now, but I am hoping that by going through my journal as I write them onto the blog, I will be able to reflect on my thoughts and experiences.
Before I start, I want to share some of the ideas that are going on in my head.
1) I love one of the principles that a pastor on the trip shared: don't just look at someone and tell them Jesus loves them; build them a house and THEN tell them Jesus loves them! ... without looking at this statement as a 'paternal viewpoint' (and I can assure you that the man who said this is a big supporter of building self-sustained livelihoods), I think it really captures what it means to share the gospel.
2) I have been feeling frustrated, guilty, and confused by my lack of frustration, guilt, and confusion, regarding the disparity that exists between God's children. WHY wasn't I more touched... why wasn't I overwhelmed with compassion.... why am I so "OK" with coming back to all of the luxuries that I have here in Canada??
3) I didn't get the same quiet time each morning to spend with God while I was in El Salvador, that I had in South Africa. Now that I am back in Canada, I know that took a big toll on my inner- peace. I thought that once I got back, everything would go back to the way it was while I was in Africa, but despite having more time, I still haven't resolved my feelings of uneasiness.
4) I think that it is so important to connect with the people that live in the places that you travel to. Some of the people on the trip spoke fluent spanish, which made translations easy, but made direct conversation impossible. I would like to learn Spanish in the future! I saw how the people who could speak Spanish interacted with the locals, and I would really like to be a part of that exchange in the future.
OK, I am going to start entering my journals... since God isn't limited to the present, even though I will be finished writing the entries when you read this, please pray that I will understand what God is saying to me as I read through them :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
El Salvador
Hi everybody!! I am back safe and sound; I arrived early yesterday morning and I just received internet this afternoon. The trip was wonderful and if I had to say one thing about El Salvador, I would say this: God is at work! I am sure that He is living in many of the people that we met while there and I was very fortunate to meet the people that I did. Although I didn't have internet access while there, I did keep a journal. I am planning to enter many of the entries a little later on. I wish that I could come up with some final conclusions, some ideas about how I was affected, or at least something exciting to share. The truth is, I haven't processed the trip yet. I have heard about it taking some time after a mission trip, in order to understand what one saw and felt, but I didn't think that it would happen to me. I don't know why, but I just don't feel ready to write about it... or even think about it actually. I feel kind of numb... or blank I suppose. I know that I need to think about it in order to start processing, so I would really appreciate some prayers about that. I want to see what God has planned for me to see, but for now I have to be patient. I hope to share my experiences with you very soon.
Katerina
Katerina
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